We all know Monas, cheap electronics, museums in Kota Tua, the Rally of Highlands and biking down Sudirman one Sunday morning to celebrate the Centennial edition Jakarta Expat, here is a light from time to time list of 100 alternative things to do in the Big Durian.
1. Avoid walking in random areas in the sidewalk. suddenly fall into a sewer is a way to immerse yourself in Jakarta, but not the one recommended.
2. Spend an evening watching transvestite in Taman Lawang and Jalan Latuharhari.
3. Experience what it's like to be a sardine canned on a slow day with Transjakarta busway during rush hour.
4. Keep smiling no matter how you feel embarrassed. Never lose your temper.
5. Perform a dictionary, talking to taxi drivers and practice your Indonesian, rather than pretending to be absorbed in a phone or tablet with a dead battery.
6. Tell the supermarket cashiers that you do not need a plastic bag for your single purchase of the article and the witness of their reaction.
7. Go to the stadium once, and only once. Unless you are an addict.
8. If noise addict, take home the picturesque promenade of the stadium through the streets at 6 am in an orange bajaj .
9. Do not get scammed by street vendors, but do not haggle too low, unless you are completely insensitive to human misery.
10. Cure mystery pain by getting a dirty coin struck on the back.
11. Accept that a supermarket will employ many staff to stand around doing nothing, but have only three operating funds.
12. Bribing a public official to obtain a free form.
13. Get a rejuvenating massage. Options include a cleaning Totok Wajah (face, back and shoulder massage), cupping and happy finale.
14. Pretend to be influential. Get your picture taken with the President of Indonesia, frame it and hang it in your office.
15. Support a local charity reputable. As twin sisters, and Rian Rossy, who run a free school and medical clinic for poor children. Contact them on 08128101860.
16. Watch a local soccer match at Senayan Stadium (pronounced "Gelora Bung Karno ').
17. Converting to another religion for the sake of getting married. Then sign a document stating that you were not forced to convert.
18. Promiscuous men: Imagine you are Don Juan having several girlfriends or wives
.19. Promiscuous women: Keep condoms. You can always get lucky in Jakarta, until you sober up.
20. Learn to dance dangdut music in bars on Jalan Blora. Then strut your stuff at wedding feasts.
21. Spend five minutes from the English language to young outside Cafe Batavia in Kota Tua. And do not say no to having your picture taken.
22. Beat the wet weather traffic by taking a ojek (motorbike taxi). Use a coat (waterproof), a helmet and a prayer.
23. Rent a MetroMini bus for a pub crawl at Jalan Kemang Palatehan Jalan Hayam Wuruk.
25. Hold your position when exiting an elevator and people trying to push their way in.
26. Watching an Indonesian movie. You do not need to know the language to follow the plot. Observe public reaction.
27. Visit a sleazy bar, meet someone new and expose you to venereal diseases.
28. Buy generic antibiotics without prescription to cure you of venereal diseases.
29. Observe enthusiastic, new arrivals gradually become sober, alcoholic bawdy disillusioned.
30. Get on local television, preferably without breaking the law. Wearing light-colored clothing and shouting "bule" should work.
31. Write a book that no publisher will touch. Self-publish and sell to friendly drunks who should know better.
32. Invest in ear plugs or double glazing if you live near a noisy or more houses of worship.
33. Take a sport like kickboxing to Kemang Fight Gym, to keep fit and work out any stress or anger.
34. Among the international schools of more than 100 in Jakarta, try to find one of the few that have a real international accreditation.
35. Get some serenity in a cemetery or listening to classical musicians jamming in Taman Menteng in Suropati Sunday.
36. Reduce your life expectancy to 60 by the chain-smoking kretek , and eat Indomie and gorengan (foods fried in palm oil) .
37. Write the word "None" or "communist" in any form that asks for your religion. always gets a laugh.
38. Get a second opinion if the doctor insists a cesarean delivery is needed.
39. Definitely get a second opinion, preferably in a Singapore hospital when the doctor calls your newborn baby needs expensive brain surgery.
40. cryptology the arcane study of Indonesian Internet Service Providers. Find out what "up to 14.7Mbps" actually means "3.2Kbps, if you're lucky."
41. Attend a wedding and quietly slip the bride a condom as you greet it with the palms together.
42. Violating the terms of your visa to get paid, but a song, writing small items for a local publication.
43. For those who like impossible challenges, try to get your mobile operator to stop sending spam text messages.
44. Get a pair of shoes made locally. Then it repaired every two months.
45. Imagine that you are a powerful politician driving in the lane busway with a police escort and flashing lights.
46. Play chess under the bridge in Kampung Melayu.
47. Start a gold mining company, investing millions and then go to jail when your local business partner decided to take everything.
48. Tell your ignorance by posting uninformed comments on the websites of The Jakarta Post and Jakarta Globe .
49. Observe a pickpocket getting caught and beaten half to death by an angry mob. Then testify public apathy towards politicians steal millions of dollars.
50. Rid your home of cockroaches and ants with insecticide called Kemut, sold at Ace Hardware. Beats chalk not so magical and smelly sprays.
51. Eat beats in a restaurant between Manadonese relay karaoke floorshow.
52. Learn to live with the mundane disappointments like missing without explanation of your favorite items on the shelves of supermarkets.
53. Men: Get a cheap haircut from a barber on a bike under a tree
.54. Women: Get a wash hair cream bath and facial at a beauty salon
.55. Beware of the prescribers of unnecessary antibiotics. the pills before buying them.
56. Drive skillfully by the tight traffic and then become unable to parking without attendant shouting directions.
57. Go to Jalan Surabaya and buy an old record, even if you have nothing to play on.
58. Separate your waste glass, paper, metal and biodegradable - if possible -. To make life easier for local garbage collectors and scavengers
59. Treat yourself "Old Fashioned" to Nip & Dram -. A lounge of whiskey on the ground floor of the Landmark Center II Building, Jalan Sudirman
60. Learning the hard way that eating street food do not you native. It can make you a walking disaster.
61. Celebrate your birthday in the local style by bringing a cake to the office. Then have colleagues you go out for dinner and drinks, and you pick up the tab.
62. Open a bar or restaurant successfully. Close when the landlord tripled the annual lease.
63. Drink shots cobra blood, infused with alcohol, on Jalan Mangga Besar Raya. Recommended only for men suffering from erectile dysfunction and women with bad skin.
64. Brighten your house or apartment with potted plants. Do not grow marijuana, unless you want to experience in an Indonesian prison.
65. Find out what the pedestrian crossings are safe to use when inhabited by a couple of guards stop cars.
66. Relax with a trip to Bogor Botanical Garden. Resume stress during the slow journey back to Jakarta.
67. Relax still climbing Gunung Parang and enjoy the fresh air and views. At 915 meters, it is a short but steep hike, on the road an hour from the city.
68. Mainland China: If you live in an apartment, refrain from spitting in the elevators and stop throwing your garbage in the hallways and elevators before
.69. Arabs Rich: buy a woman to contract and to have a dirty weekend in Puncak
.70. Australians: accept that you will not be offered beer all marriages
.71. Avoid making generalizations based on racial stereotypes.
72. Get your visa renewed in time. If you have overstayed several years, consider approaching or smugglers crossing to East Timor to Australia.
73. Script a hilarious sitcom on local television, maybe a transvestite bajaj driver called Bencong Bajuri.
74. Do not switch from a taxi driver or bartender Rp.50,000 for good service, but complain when the cashier Indomaret short-change you by Rp.500.
75. If you have a garden, make a compost pile, and grow your own fruit and vegetables.
76. Buy cotton underwear and shirts. Avoid nylon. Sweat is not sexy or comfortable.
77. Attend a human wayang show organized by the theater group Wayang Orang Bharata in Senen on Saturday night.
78. Hold on to your garbage until you find a bin. Politely discourage people trash.
79. Write letters angry The Jakarta Post which reduce all the complex problems of Indonesia to religious controversy.
80. Get a photo anti-piracy banners next to the police station Glodok DVD market, where everything is pirated.
81. Go to a restaurant dimsum 24 hours at 4am.
82. automatically reach for your wallet each time stopped by a policeman. To show your ID, of course.
83. Pay a black magic dukun (shaman) to cast a spell on business or romantic rivals.
84. Stop smoking. Air Jakarta has enough pollution. If you are a non-smoker, encourage a smoker to quit. They will eventually thank you, unless they die first.
85. Lie when asked about marital status, children and religion -. If you are single, without children atheist
86. Visit your local office for questioning PLN massive changes in your monthly electric bill. Or save time by hitting his head against a wall.
87. Thank carrion or garbage collectors for their hard work and ask how their day was.
89. Pay your staff full-time household minimum wage or who this year is Rp.2.2 million.
90. Treat your free vocational training maid, as a secretarial course or computer, so she could get a better job.
91. Form a team for the pub quiz at Eastern Promise in Kemang. Usually held the last Tuesday of each month. Winners drink free.
92. Subscribe to cable television, unless you prefer a steady diet of celebrity gossip, advertisements, child sitcoms, announcements, shows petty crime and more ads.
Pasar Tanah Abang 93. Visit and buy fabric to make your own clothes. Try when hungover.
94. Go for a run during the evening rush hour and live to tell the tale.
95. Adopt a cat or a dog rescued from Jakarta Animal Aid and make it a family member for life. Befriend geckos or rats if lack of space for larger animals.
96. Respect the Islamic month of fasting and avoid eating, smoking and drinking in public during daylight hours.
97. Become a ghost-buster and banish evil spirits buildings. Do you dress as a ghost or you could get attacked.
98. Master the art of patience. You can not suddenly improve traffic flow by worrying about it, then why?
99. If you play a musical instrument that does not weigh a ton, try busking on a Kopaja MetroMini or bus. Then pay each passenger to listen Rp.1,000.
100. If things get too book in a five star hotel for a relaxing weekend.
101. Forget the trouble of Jakarta. Make an effort to understand his people and you will be richly rewarded.
Kenneth Yeung fell into an open sewer on his first day of work in Jakarta. He thanked permission to quote the classic Indonesia Do-It-Yourself Guide 1976-1977 by Frank Palmos and Pat Rice. Some aspects of Jakarta never change.